I have so many things to be grateful for and this is one of them - to simply being alive with awesome companions (sharing laughters, tears, space and most importantly foods).

I don't how to put 3years worth of love into words, being from completely strangers to crossing each other's paths in a good way. Love is so weird that it took me nearly nanoseconds to be in love with all of you.

We have our ups and downs (akok tak jadi) doubts, insecurities and all but being with each other soothe everything. We learned how to cope with everybody, and how to live with someone we had never know of existing. To learn that everybody is beautiful in their own different ways and accept differences are so important.

God blesses me with all of you and I am gonna keep you in my silent prayers. I love all of you so much and people say that you'd only find yourself when you are with good companions. Happy graduating guys, congratulations all the hard works, tears, stay ups paid off inshaAllah. 

We are all alhamdulillah graduating soon on the same day, 11th July inshaAllah. So we are leaving the Red Brick Campus after all and I am dying a little inside but life must go on for me to continue learning and being better. 

Summer Blues

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls!

So according to Facebook, summer had only begun two days ago (20th June) which is for me personally is a bit late but who I have no knowledge of the weather to detect when summer really is in town. 19 degree celc is summer for me but with rainy days almost every day, I started to doubt is summer really is here.

Anyhow Ramadhan in conjunction with Summer really squeeze me to my breaking point to stay on track. I am not talking about the weather, I mean coming from Malaysia this ain't hot enough and alhamdulillah it is bearable but the timing is really off for me. To start fasting as early as 3am provide an enormous room for oversleeping and to wake up when the sun rises (well it rises at 4am) is guilty as charged. DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW SHORT ACTUALLY FASTING IN THE UK IS WHEN YOU OVERSLEPT?

More importantly, I tend to demotivate myself because I know I can wake up early but maynn the temptation of I-still-need-4-hours-of-sleep really bothers me. Yeah 4 hours, like I can trust myself. Sometimes I don't even know whether I get enough sleep or not because I'd only be sleeping when its 4am well in my defence.

Enough with the rambling and I need to come out with a plausible solution which I know the only thing is to keep myself occupied and I need to set a firm alarm to not re-sleep is that even a word. My days are pretty much wasted when this happened because I know I can do a lot of stuff not sleeping.

Better days ahead, shall we? May Allah ease us.

Sentimental Value

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls!

So it has been a really fast Ramadhan for me this year, we are into two weeks already. What I have basically been doing is packing for Malaysia. With three years of stuff to go through maynnn it is a lot of work. I have ordered two maxi boxes which can contain 40kgs of stuff but na-ah not enough. Lucky me, I will still be going to London, and some of my stuffs are also going to be moved to London.

Packing is really hard for me because of my sentimental value. Goshh tell me to put the receipts, the bags in the trash bin and I will cry, literally cry. But I should have no mercy at all when packing, plus I am restricted to two boxes. I can't bring everything I found valuable and have a special place in my heart. They deserve better places anyway. I had been shipping my stuff back since the last two years actually so I shouldn't have the amount of stuff I had right now but yeah things happen.

The silliest thing I had done is to ship my clothes 40kgs of them and only to bring them back in the upcoming September. Waste of money and space duhhh blame my sentimental value. But now, I had done packing and I can rest, take pictures of the Birmingham I will always miss. Happy live indeed.

Psst, we are almost into the last ten nights of Ramadhan, go for it guys!

Ramadhan Kareem

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls.

But first, lemme wish you Ramadhan Kareem and alhamdulillah we are now onto our sixth day of Ramadhan phewhhh and should we now on our way in to completing six juzu' of Quran already #ramadhangoals? This holy month is anyway the ibadah fest, let's make the best out of it and may this Ramadhan be our best Ramadhan.

Anyhow this Ramadhan is so special to me because I will be fasting for the whole month in the UK translating to 19hours of fasting alhamdulillah and sad enough I will be celebrating Eid in the UK as well. But taking fasting for 19 hours to a different horizon is not that bad actually. People do wish me good luck on fasting for 19 hours which is alhamdulillah bearable but my liquid intake would be pretty low causing me to dehydrate pretty fast. On normal days, 2 litres of water would be easy for me to gulp but only 5 hours a day of permissible eating and drinking, 2 litres seem like a dream.

So what I would always do well at least for this 5 days is to always carry my drinking bottle with me in the nick of iftar. Well, bottles are a lot more promising than mugs or glasses in my opinion. So, when it is time for iftar, I will grab a date and drink at least 250ml of water, then only I will eat my main dish. After the main dish, I go straight to the toilet to perform my wudhuk and refill my 500ml water bottle for Maghrib all the way to tarawikh and witr. Well, we do tarawikh at home rotating the imam between the four of us because our nearest masjid only offers male's corner only but they are collecting fund to renovate the masjid biiznillah. So alhamdulillah, so far I am 100% on track with my 750ml liquid intake. Then, I would sleep for at least 2 hours, to prepare myself for sahoor which only include a date because I am still full with my iftar meal and of course 500ml of water.

So that's that. Anyway, for our amal checklist and believe me it is so easy to neglect and abandon the self made #ramadhangoals unless you really jot down what you want to achieve. What I did was, I keep a Ramadhan tracker and it really helps me so much because it is so satisfying to cross one checklist after another. Ramadhan is actually a training ground for better us so it is always a good time to start now. If you wanna memorize the juz amma, then go for it. You wanna complete one juzu' per day, then go for it but always always know that this is not a race, and please do this in your own pace. It doesn't matter whether you complete it or not, but it is the effort that counts. So, don't get yourself tensed out just because you need to fit in with certain benchmark. Allah knows your capabilities and well aware of your efforts. And hey, we are talking about long term projection here, we do not want this ibadah fest to end as soon as Eid is in the corner, we want to bring this forward until the next Ramadhan.

And always, don't forget your books even the simplest book you can ever find, it does not matter. Train yourself to read because reading matures us believe it or not. You can start with 5 minutes a day and gradually add the minutes up. The best time to read is of course before sleep. Put aside your phones when you are ready to sleep which I am still fail to do to enhance the quality of your sleep. We are talking about quality sleep leads to quality day ahead so do not underestimate your sleep. You still need to sleep. Well, I am saying that sleep is so important hahahaha.

Anyhow whatever method (syariah compliance)  suits you to be better you, go for it. May Allah have mercy on us all. Have a blessed Ramadhan :)


Assalamualaikum and peace yalss!

I know....I haven't updated my blog (my other social medias as well) since forever, it just that I don't feel like it. Anyway, just wanted to share with you my happy news (la sangat).


I had received my offer letter for my postgraduate studies in St Mary's University, London. After all the I-think-I-might-have-to-do-it-in-Malaysia drama, they sent us the offer just in the nick of the time. It was after my second last paper like 2000 years ago teehee kidding on 19th May I guess soooo another year in the UK yay mee.......

So last week, we were inducted by the St Mary's people for a look around the uni, it was so much fun except for the typical London commutation. It has been over a year since I went to London. The thought of how citified London is scared me. The underground, overground and stuffs, my greatest fear maybe. My motion sickness may be getting worse at least for a year. The worst part is, the journey took us over 3 hours and I had lost all of my lunch thanks to the motion sickness. To puke in a train is not a good idea people, just think about it. 

Anyway, we were so fortunate to think thoroughly about this journey that we decided to go the day before the induction so that we can stay over for a night and getting familiar with the London's vibe. And that just make me love Birmingham even more. Anyway, I have this feeling that Birmingham is slowly dejecting me and that scares me so much because I kinda need to stay for graduation and it just so awkward to cling to something that doesn't want you....I am getting emotional nowadays.

Actually I think I need to state a point or even points to what I will be doing in London because people do ask a lot and they will always ask even when I already had told them. No no don't get me wrong, I enjoy answering questions but it just get so complicated for me. At first, I thought it was just some basic thing that requires me to teach UK student but actually it is more than that. It is a postgraduate studies in education, so I have to juggle between teaching and thesis (essays). My essays will basically be about my teaching methods, skills etc. I think I better put it this way; well you study Masters degree in say Biology, and for you to compile your report, you have to go to the lab and do the thing that you gotta do. So that is basically what I will be doing phewhhh.

Of course I had to seek for advices from someone who had gone through this. They said it is worth it, well maybe because they are all done with their courses I don't know but it is gonna be hard, they warned me. To commute is the worst part. I am hoping that to where ever Allah gonna put me in, it is just to make me stronger and bolder. I cant wait to share my PGCE experience with you guys until then, toodles!

Ramadhan Kareem!

The Extremes

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls.

According to Mathematics, well Linear Programming to be exact, said that a problem will have its extreme point when the points are on the edge of a feasible solution. Meaning that the extremes are well exposed to danger of being infeasible when another constraint come and top it off. But the extreme point must go through a series of branching and bounding (modification) to finally be the optimal solution to the problem.

We are the extreme when it comes to our needs and our disliking. We want what we want and willing to do anything for it and somehow we don't want what we don't want and avoid anything that will lead us to it. Humans. But awesomeness are not anywhere near your comfort zones. You just gotta be the extreme point and ultimately after few tries, the optimal solution. You may fall short but hey we can always try. And how may we try when we don't even want to challenge ourself.

And making life decisions show that we are strong enough to face our fear of losing something old and gaining something new. That is just the basic equation of life where everything has its own phase and moreover nothing really last in your life. So, get ready to lose some and win some. Our life need to grow. We can't let life live in stagnation just because we are not ready yet. Readiness is so subjective that when you force it, you will ultimately can be ready. If you don't push yourself then you will never know what you are capable of. Allah make you choose for a reason, for you to grow and for your life to grow.

I had been assigned to do something that I am nowhere near ready and I do keep whining about it every single day but that lesson throughout my not ready to ready phase is beyond magical. Am I not ready or am I lack of preparation? That is one question worth asking for. Let put it this way, you know exams are coming and you just can't say you are not ready, you are just unprepared. And preparing is only 30% of getting the job done, the job is done when you actually do the job. Practicality is the key here, people. Being practical and start doing. People's experience can be our guidelines but not the emotional touch to it. You just gotta do it and let your emotions kick in. When I was 15, people tell me that Add Math is so difficult that no one gonna even afford an A in that subject and I studied Add Maths for two years thinking that it was so hard and I couldn't understand it and decided to not concentrate anymore. That costed me big time people. 

So now I am doing my degree in Mathematics and I am enjoying my course so much that I am so close to graduation inshaAllah. Not everything is easy but alhamdulillah everything is bearable. Our capacities are not the same and to discover more of your capacity, yes you got it right, challenge yourself. Nothing will be thrown at you where you couldn't even lift it. 

La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha, remember?

"Allah will not burden a soul beyond its capacity...." [2:286]

Unconditional Love

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls!

"To give and not expect return, that is what lies at heart of love." - Oscar Wilde

It was Mother's Day yesterday and despite all the things brought to discussions, "On this day we celebrate you but everyday we honour you. The rock of the nation and the makers of men. 
Happy Mother's Day, Momma." (That was taken from Trevor Noah's Facebook page)

So, my housemate and I will typically have a brunch break conversation discussing the global trend, and what's what. Yesterday's topic was *drumroll* about mothers. She said that her mom will always fulfilled her wishes even when she figuratively asked for it and guess what all moms are. They can't stand looking at their child wanting to especially eat something and she will make it right on the spot. I remembered my birthday feast was all about nasi kerabu, solok lada and laksa - my favourite and it ain't easy kiddos. I had made nasi kerabu thrice in three years, yeah gonna break it down to once a year but that just showed how difficult it is. There are too many elements and I just couldn't toss any elements away because that was how my mom would make it. And solok lada, I couldn't even tell how misery I felt and I am such a failure. I failed to nail it hence to not making it anymore. I am so depressed just by telling you this. 

That was just a really simple example that don't even include my mom carried a 50kg me into the car (dad at work) when I was sick and needed to go to the hospital. To top it off, she was also 50kgs at that time. I was a heavy kid growing up. She did not take even a minute to think and people around her was like, "seriously you gonna do this you gonna break yourself." but na-ah my mom is a supermom (ironmom - she really does all the ironing in the house till I was 15). I get sick a lot, like a lot and she is never tired to accompany me to the hospital and tell the doc what was wrong with me. It was more to a "she knows me better than I know myself". 

I don't know what made her so strong and I assumed it is love and she had a forelsket. I just can't help it, why are you loving me so much when I am such a trouble. I had been a troublemaker 9 months before you had really seen me. That is more than my age at any stage. You don't owe me anything, in fact I owe you everything. There goes this one saying, "Your parents made duas to have you while you don't." It showed so much love. Looking back to my 22 years of serving her, wait a minute was it she serving me every time? I don't know but I would always wanted to make her happy, all the time. Seeing her smile is the greatest feeling ever and I will never wanted to be mad at me. I mean it is so hard to not make her go gorilla because we kids are rebellious. So I made her this poem and shout out to all the moms in the world, you guys are awesome. Can't wait to join the club!

I felt misplaced, 
why am I in this dark place,
I can't see no face,
No there is not even room or space,
I play with myself everyday in every way,
In my own pace.

Days past by
You would swallowed one whole pie,
You know I am not going that far to try,
You just have to wish the pie goodbye,
You can't eat what you usually eat and cry,
Because I just don't bother to understand why.

I has been months since I am in here,
I can now hear you clear,
I am now do not fear,
I would stay for another year,
This place is so dear,
Because I have you to steer.

It has finally came,
The time of your pain,
And I will be getting a name,
You now have the right to claim,
That you are one of the fame.

And one more thing, our conversation (my housemate and I) went a little to deep. I think this love showered to us is of course by the mercy of Allah. In fact Allah loves us, more. When we fell our parents' love are the ultimate but remember the love of Allah is far greater. We have always been a trouble and a sinner to Allah but Allah keeps forgiving us.

"When Allah created mankind, He also decreed, "My mercy will overcome My anger."" - Al-Bukhari and Muslim.

This post has been a one sided love story, don't you think? We can sacrifice. To show that we love them as well and we love Allah too. Actions do speak louder than words. That's why to attain mardhatillah is by doing things that Allah loves and doing something for someone will only work when we love them. It will be a tough job to sacrifice when you do not love someone but our hearts do change, right? We can love someone we hate before and vice versa so that's how it goes for this one. Force your heart to love, sincerity will come later inshaAllah. And of course make a lot of duas may the mercy of Allah remain in this world and in the Hereafter.

May Allah bless you :)

English speaker

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls.

*Now I have a room to breathe in and out like a normal human being again*

So, there has been some sort of delayed in Studying in Birmingham (clicke for more series) series which has now reached its fourth series. Sooo, *checked previous posts* we have talked about the call, that heart pounding call and of course I had been accepted to University of Birmingham alhamdulillah.

The news spread all over town, the perks of living in a small village yalls and we kinda know each other but the thing is my parents know their co-leagues in parenthood so well that they were so willingly to tell anyone who asked. My dad, being the masjid committee and of course he was like why-not-spread-the-good-news-we-are-having-solat-hajat-in-my-house. So masjid, as all of us know is the capital of any civilisation hence the news spread like fire and no fireman can put this fire out. My dad is so YB-ish that he designed our current house to be people friendly and safe enough to accommodate the whole villagers.

Then, it went a little bit more official as the offer letter was sent out to me. I just had to take a picture of it and of course instagram-ed it. And it was me spreading the good news to the world. People had been preparing for uni for almost a month now and I had just gotten the offer letter #sofiveminutesago. But big girl gotta do what big girl gotta do and that was to go to KL to attend pre-departure and Kem Biro Tatanegara (every sponsored student need to attend this). I went to KL with my grandma who happened to babysit my cousin in Kajang.

My uncle picked us up from the bus station to his home in Kajang and the pre-departure was in Serdang and it was like a stone throw away from Kajang. Before our pre-dep, my housemate (soon-to-be at that time) texted me and I was so delighted that yay finally I am going to have a friend. She said that she is the youngest and needed the protection from the eldest (me). I was like yeah yeah don't worry kid, me gotcha. I stalked her Facebook and saw one picture of her which I doubt it's her for easier recognition at the pre-dep.

The next day came and I was literally like a cow in a desert. I did not feel belong and I just wanna go home and cry to my momma. The lady who was supposed to hand me in the room keys asked me if I want to be in the same room as my friend and I said no that's fine me got no friend. There I went my allocated room and hoping for a fun yet interactive roommates. And yay I got myself two younger-than-me roommates. We were supposed to go to the hall for further information and on my way, I saw someone pretty familiar. So I decided to text the actual person and it was actually her. Gahhh she was in the room next to mine with two other Brummies, me so sad but never mind I am going to be with her all day all the time and that was what I really did.

We were together all the way to BTN and fuhh she is one awesome lady. We signed up as roommates at BTN and remember an interactive roommate I prayed for, it was her. She talked a lot and I was always on the listening side. Well, I need a talkative husband errrkk okay get back on track get back on track, may day may day. There was something really funny happened and my friends still joke about that. I was an MC for one session and boy did I tell ya how out of place I was. Not going to go into too much details but whoever knows, knows. And so there was it, BTN equals to a lot of love to the homeland. We headed back home with our BTN's certificate and with pocket money from our sponsor to buy sweater and stuffs.

I was in KL for quite sometime and I did a little bit of shopping as well. I shop for my humongous luggage and my-grandma-pick-it-up-for-me sweater (I had only worn it once), as well as the unnecessary thermal wear which apparently costed me almost RM1000 for everything. RM1000 on a single receipt, maannn that was a lot. So, please please seek out for What-To-Bring-List from your seniors. I kinda made my own decision and that was why everything was regrettable. I also needed to have a tuberculosis (TB) tests for visa application. Maynn, there were only 3 hospitals in Malaysia that are valid for visa application.

I went to the Gleneagles Hospital in Ampang and booked my visa appointment considering that the result can be obtained within a day. It was my first time there and once again guys, a cow in a desert with my grandma and English speaking Benggali, it went wrong, everything went wrong. I asked the receptionist where can I get my TB tests and they said it was on second(?) floor and okay we took the elevator to the second floor. It was so scary over there and was it funeral parlour, I could not think straight at the moment. Was it a hidden camera? Maybe I should get casted for horror movies, well people say I look like Izara Aishah. Gahhh gotta hold my horses there. Where was I again, yeah the scary second floor and as always there will be at least one English speaking Benggali over there. I asked him whether I should do my TB tests here and guess what guys, he did not understand me. Maybe I should learn Benggali before coming to KL. So, I decided to return to the receptionist one more time and really look him in the eyes and asked the question that I had already asked 5 people already. And it is on the other floor and alhamdulillah finally I was there filling my form and getting x-rayed yay fun stuff. The doctor told me that the result should be ready by the day after and I was so relieved because my visa appointment was later than the TB test result.

But nooooo, I can't imagine this happening to me.....


Assalamualaikum and peace yalls.

Ever heard of "gas nadir(inert gases)"? As what your chemistry teacher might tell you, inert gases does not go through chemical combination as they are very stable and it is not possible from them to donate or receive any more ions. They have relatively low melting and boiling point and the not so good thing in between. I hated inert gases when I studied chemistry 5 years ago. What are their purposes? To make me memorise somemore? My capacity was to only memorise Sejarah(History) back then and lil bit of my friend's birthdays.

Well I always random check the dictionary for a new word and I had found nadir. Well it not as similar as the inert gases but it is defined to be "the lowest point; point of greatest adversity or despair." I somewhat feel like I am in this state right now but don't get me wrong, I am so happy with my life. It is just I eat less and sit more, I don't sleep people I just don't. Naaah kidding, I do sleep a lot as well. Well I do not realised how nadiral my life was until I lose weight like a lot in a week. You just don't simply lose 3kg in 5days. My body refuse to go through any chemical reaction with the food hence bye bye energy. My energy low is really low that I need a lot of sleep. I can sleep up to 10 hours. With that being said, I am still happy with my life. I laugh a lot and alhamdulillah I am as stable as the inert gases. Well, maybe that is somewhat a sign that I am slowly turning to inert gases?

"Exalted is He who took His servant by night from Masjidil Haram to Masjidil Aqsa, whose surroundings We have blessed, to show him of Our signs. Indeed He is all Hearing, all Seeing." [17:1]

I think I had recited this verse like in the nick of time every single year. I remembered my first year reciting this verse, it was after my first paper for my first year. I went clueless after I sat for the exam. I felt miserable and I don't know what to do but I still need to sit for 3/4 more papers (I can't remember) but the sad me decided to take part and came out with this;

I wish for an effulgence instead, 
But in this misery, 
I hope I forgot,
How to emote,
And how to crumble into pieces,
A day of sorrow,
Is a year of greatness,
Allah is preparing me for the massive,
Glory to you O Allah,
Who had ascended Muhammad,
to the Heaven,
Give me strength ,
For I am weak,
Without You.

Looking back, it is surely a healer right there. Allah is preparing me for the massive. For something that I might could not handle yesterday, or today.

Just look at the sirah of Muhammad s.a.w before he was ascended to the Heaven, before the Isra'(night journey from Mekah to Masjidil Aqsa) wal Mikraj (journey from Masjidil Aqsa to Sidaratul Muntaha). Allah had not tested Muhammad and his ummah for nothing but to prepare them for the ultimate gift, the prayers which were cut down from 50 to 5 times. Allah tested them to strengthen their faith so that the prayer which is the pillar of Islam can be done under any circumstances. Say, during war or expeditions.

Have we ever view solah as a gift? Yeah, the typical we couldn't do it if it was 50 times thanks to Musa but it is more than that. Have we ever felt more connected to Allah than in our solah? Well, the Safiey Ilias story went viral these couple of weeks, you can google it and he said the reason for his-turning-back-to-the-fitrah is because of his solah. It might sound a bit cliche but that is the truth. To be connected to Allah is way beyond any gifts this world could offer. You will find tranquility and happiness. So, don't worry your weakness never surpass the power of your Lord the All Mighty.

"Those who have believed and whose hearts are at peace by the remembrance of Allah. Indeed, with the remembrance of Allah do heart find peace." [13:28]

What's meant to be will always find its way

What's meant to be,
Will always find its way,
I ought to agree,
Hearing you say.

Will the road taken,
Be long enough,
That something be left forsaken,
Maybe we are off the cuff.

Should you hear me say,
No matter where the road takes me,
I am going to love you all the way,
To the depth of Pacific sea.

We should not pause,
Memory does not capture silence,
The life still deserve an applause,
But I hope we have found our asylum.

Take me to Everest,
I promise,
To not rest,
Even I am still a novice.

It will go away

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls!

"Whatever you have will end, but what Allah has is lasting. And We will surely give those who were patient their reward according to the best of what they used to do. Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer - We will surely cause him to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward [in the Hereafter] according to the best of what they used to do." [16:96-97]

I went through Surah an-Nahl today and found these verses that I can't help but stick a sticky flag to it and of course ponder upon. I don't know why but I think these verses answer my concerns and problems I may say. I was left speechless because of how Allah manages my affairs. He just did it in the best possible way.

Have you ever loved something/someone that you want to hold so tight and never wanting for them to go? Have you? Well, I had. I have an attachment problem that it is so hard for me to let go of something. I still keep my Primark paper bags if that is not attachment problem to you lol. One more thing about me is I really hate rejections. I hate turn downs. If I offered you food, just take it or I will be so anxious about myself thinking my food is not tasty enough. Yes, I have those problems. Stepping out of my comfort zone which is so narrow is really hard. And finding another comfort zone is no soft money, which costs me tears and not wanting to get out of the house. But, in order for me to grow, I kinda had to. I had to step out of my old shoes and wear a new one that will pretty much cause my feet to blister and all but I need to have faith that at the end of the day, that brand new shoes will be as comfortable as my old ones once I get used to it.

I think that is what Allah has been wanting to tell me and finally I get His message. That needs a lot of trying in new shoes, phewhh~ Everything, everything that I own will vanish. In fact, I do not own anything, not even myself. Everything that is with me today will constantly go away and will be replaced with something new and hopefully better. And to have something taken away from you is not as easy as ABC, let alone to accept new things. But if you have patience and always motivate yourself that nothing is yours, then you know the consequence already not gonna tell ya.

The story of Umm Suleym suddenly popped in my head. Do you know her?
Rumaisa'? Does that ring any bell? Anyhow, she was one of the greatest sahabiah and was married to Abu Talha (one of the greatest marriage story) and had a son named Abu Umair. Abu Talha was constantly out of the town for expeditions and stuff. So, their son was constantly ill as well. And came one day, their son was dead and Rumaisa' told her family not to tell her husband about their son's death. When Abu Talha returned home, he noticed that their son was really quiet but Rumaisa' did not tell him anything and brought him dinner instead. Rumaisa' put on her best garment that night and asked Abu Talha, "What if someone lends another person something? Could he refrain from paying it?" Abu Talha quickly answered no. Rumaisa' continued, "And Allah had lend us our son and He had taken him back." Abu Talha was mad that Rumaisa' had not told him earlier but Rumaisa' calmly replied with innalillahi wa inna ilayhi rojiun (From Allah we come to Allah we belong). Abu Talha went to meet Rasulullah and complained to Rasullullah on how devastated he felt. Rasulullah made a dua that may Allah bless their night. And with the will of Allah, Rumaisa got pregnant. When she gave birth, she sent her child to Rasulullah and he chewed a date and rubbed the child's mouth. This was where the tahnik came from. Rasulullah named the child "Abdullah." Rumaisa' was blessed with another 10 boys and all of them are hafidz (memorize the Quran).

Just look at how patient Rumaisa' was? And her patience were paid off a lot better. Allah is always firm with His promises, don't He? In the next verse, Allah kinda want us to not worry and just do what we are supposed to do which are to do righteousness while being believers. This is surely a hard thing to do because we still need to be grateful and be patient even if we are facing trials. Allah will never stop testing you at your weakest link because He wants you to be a stronger muslim each and everyday. So, let us think positive about everything befalling us. Doesn't that mean He loves us? And that is what important.

Have faith, beautiful souls. You have Allah and Allah loves you. So, don't despair, He will provide you good life, it is just the matter of time. May Allah bless you :)


The pain is somewhat familiar,
Deep inside I hope that ain't a killer,
Even so my last name is warrior,
And He is always my healer.

Raindrops on my window,
Teardrops on my pillow,
My scream crescendoes,
But He is always my hero.

I am so tired,
I muttered,
My heart on fire,
Is it fair?
Oh Lord I desire,
For You to hear.

That mysterious chicken, tho

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls!

gambar hiasan lulz

We live in a house of four and we cook accordingly. We have a schedule and that is super important to ensure that everybody is well fed. It is Spring Break right now and more to a study leave because of the summer exam. Our schedule is broke down to this, well I am not very good in explaining this but here goes;

We have 5 weekdays (Monday-Friday) and since there are only four of us, and luckily Wednesday is half day of school so everybody will be off by 1pm. So we voted for who gonna cook on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, and we take turns on Wednesday. Meaning that someone has to cook twice once every month. Sometimes, someone who cooks on Monday will be generous enough to cook on Sunday, combining the meals for Sunday and Monday. So yay to that we have food on Sunday.

But things has gotten pretty mysterious when it comes to Spring Break. Well, we normally would eat together and yeah we keep track of who has eaten and who has not, but not at this crucial month. We barely eat together it is usual for someone to not eat what had been cooked for that particular day (saved it for another day). The problem rose when it is time for someone else to eat and there are #leftoversnotleftovers and of course the who-has-eaten, did-she-ate game would be constantly asked. FYI, we packed 4 pieces of chicken per bag and it may be 5 per pack or even 6. But lemme tell ya it is very tiring when the answer is "I don't know" and I get really concerned with the chicken left alone in the pot #foreveralone. This has not gotten in my mind before but since there is a piece of chicken left for two days, I need to come out with a solution. Because communication is the key, here and with the constraint of tendency to be left hanging when someone updates "I have eaten" on whatsapp, I designed this sheet.

This sheet is surely helpful and really cut the hassle of asking everybody who has eaten and who has not or even WHOSE-CHICKEN-IS-THIS-IT-LOOKS-TASTY. It is need to be "ticked" by who has eaten on that particular day. And the chef of the day has to update how many pieces the chicken are and how she would like the chicken to be paired up if and only if the chicken are more than 4 pieces. Well, it really takes time to adapt to a new system but yeah we are trying lulz.

Anyway, the point is, staying organised in even the smallest aspects really do change even the biggest aspects of your life. I mean organisation is the key to success. Ali bin Abi Talib once said that "A contrived falsehood will defeat a not arrayed truth." This is a really profound statement because no matter what you are doing (good or bad but hopefully it is good), when you plan it carefully it will eventually work out. Planning is not a walk in the park, though. But doing something without a plan will destruct it even more. 

In this crucial month, it is really important to really plan out your study blue print. Because this kinda time only come once and we have to work smart. Working smart only works when we have clear plans. Why work hard when you can work smart? Keeping an organised life will keep you productive as well. Don't ya think? 

Anyhow, good luck everybodyyyyy!

You, choose!

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls.

*A sucker for motivational quotes these days*

How much can a week be from mehhh I can't study and I have no drive at all to carry all these things on my osteoporotic shoulders to yeayy I am gonna wake up early, and even it is not that sunny but anyway gonna take my bath and study. So that is me typically on a daily basis. A lame battle against myself whether to pour all 24 hours in a drain or to stay productive. I repeat LAME.

This is a short post, lemme remind you that but me gonna share something interesting I found online (facebook to be exact), quoted "You may see me struggle but you will never see me quit."

Am so relieved to write this out lol.

Good day, everybody :)

The call

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls.

*need an amaneunsis, for REAL* Exam is totally one week from now and I can't wait to sit for the exams and earn my freedom once and for all but yeah that nervous nerves inside me are jumping like crazy. More to an anxiety rush, people but please do make duas that everything will be smooth and fine ameeen!

So today I feel like writing and of course me gonna write a bit about the Studying in Birmingham series *lol* and this is the third part, so you can always jump to Part1 and Part2 of course. Thanks to the power of technology.

So yep, done the interview and stuff and it is all about the waiting game now, people. I was just one call away from studying in Birmingham but naaahhh not gonna think about that for a while because I had just butchered the interview like seriously butchered it. So, probably the best thing to do was hanging out with everyone that I befriend with so that nobody will be left out in the next 2 or 3 years. Degree life is so hectic and people had been telling me that I will literally be glued to the lecture notes, books and reports once I stepped in the unihood.

It was in August where it was time for the UPU to be announced and I was muttering nervous idioms, every now and then. That was how nervous a single click back then. From the sweetest butterfly in the stomach to the dreadful sitting on the edge of the seat. It was that deadly. I can literally die choking in my own fear and anxiety. But big girl gotta do what big girl gotta do, so I logged in my IC number (I don't remember how the system works but I think it was based on Ics) and tadaaa the server was down. Nervous for nothing but a bit relieved. So I tried using the SMS service and alhamdulillah USM's TESL and UKM's Science Physics were written in the message and I know immediately that me want USM. But naah my mind did not want me free from the choosing game and decided to think for itself every pros and cons for both courses. And I was torn apart at that moment. I did isthikarah but I think USM is the most calming call for me. Maybe the northern peninsula is so much closer to my heart. And now I got to do a lil bit of another waiting -- waiting for the offer letter and hang out somemore.

So finally the offer letters were gracefully sent by the mail guy and buhbye UKM, hello USM. There were a lot of stuff in the USM's envelope but not in the UKM's, and I had to print out a lot of stuffs for USM. Let's go green. I think they did also assigned me to a student house so I did not have to go through all the I-WANT-TO-BE-IN-THE-SAME-ROOM-AS-MY-FRIEND drama #clingy #dependant #notreadytoleavehome #canitakemymomwithme. It was all sorted out for me. I even joined the USM facebook group (or did I joined both?). To ask stuff and of course me no active at all. I also googled the shopping malls available near the campus hahaha.
I had two phones at that moment, one is more stable than the other. I had my most important number in the not so stable phone. So, I did not charge it that often hence people couldn't really reach me. But in one misty cold morning, it was fasting month back in 2013, I finally decided to charge that phone. I left it in my room and when I opened the door to enter my room, I saw a light coming from the phone and there was a call, unknown number but I picked it up anyway. 

"Hello, Fatin Nabila Rosly?"
"Yeah, it is me."
"I am ***** from KPM. I wanted to tell you that you are chosen to study in Birmingham."
"What? Really? Do I have to choose now?"
"Yes, now."
"Oh okay I do."
"Okay, we will sent you out the offer letter."
"Thank you. Bye."

O M G ! I was chosen! I had to pinch my cheek just to make sure that it was not a dream and I had to scream to tell my whole household that I am going to the UK. My mom was like, "You have to buy me designer bags." Erkkk I did not respond. 

To be continued.....

It's Spring....wait a minute!

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls!

*pretty much sum up my post*

This week is the final week of Spring Break and that means revision lectures, equivalent to #wehavetogotouni #getoutofthehouse #ohmyduvet. So, today it was a bit windy when we left the house at 0830ish, so I need to put my jacket on, regardless. I was so reluctant to do to as the sun was out and shining. FYI, I did not look at the forecast unless when it was winter time -- the snow waiting game, of course. That's my bad. Everything was nice and cosy again as we get into the building and my oh my was it the perfect temperature?

After an hour or so, we had to get out and of course it was still windy and I was shaking so bad that my neck hurts. Was considering to put on neck braces but that would be too much. Anyhow, we went to our favourite study spot and stayed for 2 hours or so until lunch time. My stomach was growling but I know there was nothing edible at the moment. Well, unless I braced myself and go get meself some food and come back for lunch hour (no doubt HUNGRY). I was not that interested to get myself into trouble amidst the famine (in my stomach). 

I stopped writing 30mins before lunch hour just to picture the succulent jacket potato (baked potatoes topped with various fillings) and the so crunchy curly fries. My oh my, did I just swallowed a bowl of rice for breakfast? Na-ah did not remember that. I sprang up of my chair (literally) when the clock struck 12 and it is lunch time, everybody. It was cold, still but I know travelling 5mins for food will always worth it. At first, I wanted the curly fries but I had to wait for 7mins and my baby can't wait so I go for the jacket potato instead. We headed upstairs, to the musalla and we ate our food like happy kids. 

After getting the stomach filled and praying dhuhr, we headed out for our next class and guess was hailing outside. No wonder why it was so cold. But we still need to attend class, people and mehh it was not big of deal. We clenched our teeth and made it to the lecture room and it was heaven. It was still a bit cold that I did not take my jacket off. After 30mins or so, the lecturer wrapped up his session and we headed outside again.

Guess was sunny like there was not a slight sign of flurries or rain. My gosh, it was that fast and it was still cold, for the record. There was a see-saw of weather until we come home. And we have seen a lot in not more that 24 hours, guys. It is almost May, but what can't you say, kun fayakun (Be! and it will be.) 

This is the newest update regarding this matter, so you can check here.

There is a logic in this phenomenon, don't worry. It is called (click on this for a fun explanation) Sudden Stratospheric WarmingIt is informally defined as an abrupt jump in temperature way up in the stratosphere causing the weather to be colder as usual.

I had one conversation with one of my housemates when we were eating. I was eating beef and it was so tough, it almost took my teeth out. 

"Look! I can still chew on this beef when it is this tough. How amazing human beings are?"
"But to look at different angle, we helplessly sneeze when a tiny dust particle get into our nose."
"Yeah, that is so right. I think when Allah wills for something to happen then it happens?"

Well look at the water, we can drink it without breaking a single sweat with Allah's permission but when it is flooding, water will wipe us all out, again with the permission of Allah. He who sends down the wind, the snow, the rain and the sunny light all by His own permission and for our own good. So, fret not people (myself). He knows best while you know not. I don't know how relatable this is but anywayyyy....have a good day! 

O caliphs

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls.

As you might have known, my mom gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on 30th March and I already dedicated him a caption on instagram but I have found one that was written by my brother as well. It is so beautiful that I think worth sharing, here goes:

10 months and a week you got us waiting. You sure are a spoil little one even before you were born. I guess you are the last puzzle coz I doubt our umi can handle more with her age(lol?)
I was hoping for you to be my second little sister so that I can look out for you and tease you even when you grow older and make you my little slave but since you are a boy I hope that you can carry the responsibility as a son and do much more than any of your brothers. You were born when everyone is ready to leave home and get on with their own life such that your childhood wont be awesome as mine, but no worries I will be your fool for years to come just as I was a fool for your sister when she was still learning how to speak. When your cuteness wear down and your childish antics become more apparent and you start to tick our family, I will be the one that scold the one that scold you. I'm happy you were born when you can have anything you want since birth while I was born when maggi is a luxury so that, you growing healthy  is a sure thing. Well welcome I hope you become someone that I prayed for....a better muslim

You are always gonna be that awesome brother. Can't wait to meet you. May Allah grant you health, happiness and success. Psst, I love you.

I am screwed

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls.

So this is the second part to my Studying in Birmingham, you can view Part 1 as well before you read this one.

Apart from USM, I also apply for Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia for TESL and Science Physics but I had not been given any chances for the UKM interview and I started to be a little bit worried. No way I will not going to get my studies furthered (sad face). This paranoid little girl really was paranoid. I got an offer from UniKL as well and I had to pay RM250 as the confirmation fee. And I was like, that is it, I am going to go to UniKL, gonna do my Chemical Engineering because I was likely going nowhere. Even UKM don't want me. I told my mom that I was too worried and my heart was pounding every second back then. That led me asked my dad for RM250 and pay for the UniKL fee (my dad still want that RM250 back).

Days past and no news from anything (kinda forgot about the overseas thingy dah) and I kinda lose hope and am I really going to be an engineer? I asked Allah to always ease my path and give me the ultimate best, never felt more connected to Him than when I really need to get out from any trouble. Sigh~ human being (me) is lame. I don't want to be an engineer, not in a million years. I will rather teach physics hahaha that teacher blood flowing in mehh.

Actually everything that happened before this line were prior to my final results. So the result day came and there were no one home at that time for me to share my happiness so I had to jump all by myself, congratulated myself. Then my mom came home from school and we went to pizza hut to celebrate (no Domino's in Kelantan back then *sad face*). I was so happy and asked my dad for a new phone. A new pink limited edition Samsung Galaxy S2 had been a buzz in the town so I wanted that one for me. 

Few days after that, the post guy came to my home on Friday afternoon. That was very rare, people. People don't work on Fridays in Kelantan. We only work from Sunday to Thursday. And finally Alhamdulillah I got the letter calling for an interview  that was held in Penang. Few days after receiving the letter, I went for the interview and it was so fun but terrifying at the same time. The panelists were all women and you know how strict women can be. 

"Name 3 courses that you want to do."
1- Mathematics
2- Physics
3 - Computer Science

"Are you going to be fine when posted to Labuan?"
"*I need to get married before hand, then* Wow, that will be great. More flying hours for me, then hahaha (it was a joke, they laughed don't worry). Where ever it is, the thing I got to do is of course teach and teaching is not determined to where someone has to teach or to what someone has to teach but to how someone has to teach. So where ever it is, for me it is the same, minus the family but my family is in Kelantan so same story anywhere."

"What are the courses that you picked for your UPU?"
"They are all teaching courses, mainly TESL."

"How will you prepare yourself before going to the UK?"
"There are of course a lot to prepare considering UK is a not well acquainted place for me. In terms of physical preparation, exercise is always the best answer. I need to stay fit and away from sickness considering that I will be so far away from my family. Mentally and spiritually, I need to keep myself positive and motivated and to mind my relationship with God. UK is not an Islamic country so I don't want to lose my religious norms by being in the UK, so got to have that prepared."

"Okay, thank you. We wish you the best of luck."
"Thank you."

I went storming to search for my parents and told them that I had screwed the interview big time. It was because of my handbag, duhh why did I carry it in the first place? When I sat down for the interview, I put my bag down on the floor and after the interview, I-FORGOT-TO-PICK-THE-BAG-UP and one of the panelists said, "You know this shouldn't happen, don't you?" I said my sorry and almost cried but big girl don't cry. My dad eased my paranoia a bit by saying, "Don't worry abah got cable one in UPSI." As not helping as it might sound, I can't help but laugh. So, we went home straight after the interview and I was so tired but I helplessly pray to Allah to ease my path. Ameen

See you soon!

Teacher wannabe

Assalamualaikum and peace yalls.

So today me gonna write the continuation to my Studying in Birmingham. This is more to a pre-departure stuff and how I really got this offer, full of drama (spoiler alert) and I ain't gonna romanticised the whole thing, lemme get this straight. This is not a nonsense effort to terrify you but I do learn something very valuable (a bit cliche but for REAL).

I haven't got a title for this post, yet but fret not Imma post this with a title and I have pre-departure in mind but yeah it is okay I am going to continue writing until I figured out the title. Enough with the title dramaaaa, let's finally jump into this (should I put some pictures in this post, should I not? Maynnn~)

My pre-degree studies was in Kolej Matrikulasi Perlis (KMP) or hyped to be Perlis Matriculation College. I did not want to go to this place at first, considering that my choices were Kolej Matrikulasi Kedah, Kolej Matrikulasi Penang and Kolej Matrikulasi Melaka, was super sad Kelantan got none. So I was in the remote-no shopping complex-only Cmart-dorm life-sharing toilets-eating at the cafe-none glamorous stuff KMP for a year. In matriculation stage (science stream), you got three choices to do. Haa you thought this one gonna be difficult, wait till you get older la. Basically the choices (modules) are :

1) Pure Science (Maths, Biology, Chemistry, Physics)
2) Mechanical Science (Maths, Chemistry, Physics, Computer Science)
3) #idkwhattocallthis ( Maths, Chemistry, Biology, Computer Science)

So I had chosen what my mom had told me to choose, she was like "Along, don't you dare take Biology." Being a solehah daughter and not loving Biology, yes you guess it right, I took Module 2. Thought of drum rolling this but never mind. I get to adapt pretty fast with the fast and challenging matriculation life (rolling my eyes and sleep). Thanks to my ever so lovely roommates, and classmates. I went to this KMP just to pursue my 4flat and at least band 4 MUET because I wanna do TESL for my degree.

Fast forwarding to 10 months or so, we are required to fill in our UPU form (don't know what this stand for too lazy to google it) and yeah you guess it super right that my choices were all TESL. Wanna do TESL so bad and now I am three years in my Maths degree gotta tell ya my English is rustic I can't even pronounce procrastination right, so doomed. I also filled in the form that brings me all to way from Malaysia to the UK. Never heard of this one until my friend told me. Did someone announced this? I don't know but maybe I wasn't paying any attention. Me good girl. I filled that form in when it was 2 days before it was due. And I need all those certificates which I didn't have any of them with me and got my mum to send it to my or to fax it I don't even remember because it was that long. But yeah alhamdulillah I eventually submitted it and waited for the best result. This was a month before our second sem finals.

After I had finished the studies, we went home and I went through a series of interviews, well couple of them. The first one was from Universiti Sains Malaysia. I was so lucky to have the interview back in my hometown rather than in Penang. After 5 days my parents had picked me up from Perlis, then they have to go to Penang? For an interview? Na-ah I am not doing it but alhamdulillah it was in Kelantan. The first part of the interview is of course to write a "Why do you want to be a teacher?" essay. I wrote a 4-pages long essay, and of course with my big and bulky handwriting, normal people will take up to only 2 pages. But I know students love someone whose handwriting is big and clear. That's a check for me. Honestly, I did not prepare much for this, considering this is my first ever interview. I heard 4 other candidates (they know each other, me forever alone) start to practice a very common questions that are likely to be asked. Who is the chancellor? What it TEFL? and what not. I composed myself and I trusted my guts even more, so no complaint. Just gonna wing it, like always. A girl without a plan, duhh.

Then, I was relocated to other rooms with other candidates. They are males, so they have to kinda go first, to be interviewed. No ladies first here. It was Friday noon and Friday prayers, guys so they got the advantage. So Imma chillin' right there and did what I do best, staring at the blank walls. USM pretty nice. My cold sweat broke when I heard them calling my name. Was it a call to the discipline department? No, even scarier. I handed my resume in and they.....colour tested me. So well the dreaded session began.

"Why should we pick you?"
"Well I am a very flexible person, able to adapt to any kind of situation very fast. It is uncommon for me to break down under pressure and I think USM is a very demandable university, that the input should generate the best output. So that one is a pressure right there, but yeah I will always try my best to be in the state I am with or without pressure."

"How will you attract your students when you are a teacher?"
"I think the name speaks for itself. The meaning of my name is attractive so I think that is a piece of cake for me hahaha. (This is a joke, people). So yeah, to be in the USM will expose me to various and latest teaching skills that will be undeniably useful for my future career. 

"How will you cater your students, when the language used in most subjects is Bahasa Melayu?"
"For me I speak Bahasa Melayu all the time and that doesn't really tarnished my English. It is a learning process and there are a lot of ways to learn English. Well, me myself I learned English by watching TV and listening to English songs. These are the easiest way to have a fun teaching session and students will be feeling less pressured."

I don't even know what has just came out from my mouth and that three questions were killers. Need to walk the talk, don't I? (Finally, got the title!)

So this post has been a little too long. Will update on this really soon! Have a great day everybody :)

p/s: This is me; about to go to the interview, donned my mom's baju kurung (the most comfy one) with my resume in hand. Pat in the 2013-me's back.

*editing game still strong*

My mum

Assalamualaikum and peace yalss.

No, it is not my mom's birthday.

So today I called my mom just to get myself motivated and hopefully more productive. Haven't called her in a week, yeah she is pretty busy with her newborn boy, breastfeeding and stuff.

That typical whatchu doin, umi? And how's life? Everybody home? Did anyone get sick? How's ebi? How's abah? How's ih? How's everyone? My everyday script. I am more of a daughter when I'm home than on the phone. I tend to act all macho on the phone hehehe.

I am the eldest, turning 22 and haven't even confronted my mom with mommy-daughter issues and I think she might think of me as a late bloomer duhh. I am a shy daughter and I don't know how to have adult talks with her but today I tried.

My gosh her replies were the best, out of this world even. She made me look into a completely different and many angles. I know she kinda anticipated for her eldest to ask her for life advices. She was like excuse me girl, I eat more salt than you. That will make her tongue saltier than mine? What's the logic behind that, anyway?

And I know that she completely trusts me to make whatever decision for my life. She knows I am smart enough to deal with my life. She is still gonna be my forever pet-talks to go to.

Studying in Birmingham (intro)

Assalamualaikum wbt and peace yalls!

It is Spring and no it doesn't all mean flowers and sunny day, it means to be indoor whole day long (everyday) and to literally face the books (lecture notes) and study. So this is what I am currently up to, in case you are wondering :p but yeah I kinda need to have my escape for a little while and I choose to write today. This may not be the most brilliant decision that I have made but I surely hope it is beneficial. 

So, to relate the title to the post -- this is my final year in University of Birmingham. I am excited and sad at the same time. Excited to finally inshaAllah graduate and sad to leave the all so lovely-shiny-tremendous-gorgeous Birmingham. I love Birmingham so much, despite the group projects, lectures, (home)sickness, weight gain  and all the bad things in between. Being in love ain't everything lovely, tell ya that. And my student card discount only valid till 1st July, how sad is that?

Anyhow, I love Birmingham for who it has been blessed with and for what it has in store; experience wise I guess.  Am wordless actually to describe how Birmingham has stolen a special place in my heart. So, I may come with a series of "Studying in Birmingham" so that I may share/write even the tiniest details. And I hope this may help new students who are applying for Birmingham as well. So, do make duas for me and may God reward you with the best of all rewards.

Click here for part1
Click here for part2
Click here for part3

Ego? Go Away!

Assalamualaikum wbt and peace yalls!

Soooo, ego? Let's talk about ego! The first thing I have to do is to have the correct/real definition of ego. The best way to do that is of course to google it. So here is the definition of ego; a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance. Let me elaborate this even further (into defining more stuffs), self-esteem is a feeling of satisfaction that someone has in him/herself and his/her abilities. This basically meant that you are very confident in yourself. And self-importance is an exaggerated sense of one's own value or importance - translated to you are very proud of yourself that you are on top of everybody. Phewwhhh, that are a lot to swallow, don't you think? 

With ego being defined, I must say that we(I) mistreated ego badly. Not everything ego is bad. Ego per se comes in two definitions; which are classified to good and bad. Self-esteem is a must have kinda ego, people. How on earth are you gonna walk on this Earth without self-esteem (There are so many earths in one sentence)? So you gotta have that. *wink*

Let's talk about self-importance here. Maynnn, it is a life long struggle isn't it? Because of ego i.e. self-importance is so life destructive, I have had a conversation with a friend of mine on this topic. I felt so conscious that I don't want to have any ego problems anymore but nawhhh ego has to kick in the next second. In need of constant reminders. I am always in the battlefield with my ego (self) and I'd win and lose sometimes. There are no draws, hence the picture. So, it is not a surprise that our greatest jihad is to jihad against ourself. 

Nouman Ali Khan had mentioned in one of his video that you can actually identify whether you have ego problem or not. Quoted, "You get angry when somebody corrected you." I will let you be your own judge. In this context, being corrected doesn't meant that you are wrong or right, it simply meant that when somebody commented on things that you had done. So, there is no right or wrong. There is a verse from Suratul Furqan; Chapter 25, Verse 63,

"And the slaves of the Most Beneficent (Allah) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness." 

They reply back with mild words of gentleness, of peace. That is a sign of no ego problems right there.

What benefits are you gaining from sticking up to your self-importance? You are only gonna feel bad when someone you are arguing with, take a step back. Don't feed your self importance. 

"Ego = 1/Knowledge. More the knowledge, lesser the ego. Lesser the knowledge, more the ego." -Albert Einstein.

Good day, yalls. 

Random nenek

Assalamualaikum wbt and peace yalss!

How have you been? I pray for you to be in the best state of iman and health. Ameen.

Alhamdulillah it is finally the wrap up of the Ummah Week, and yes there are so many life changing experience to be a part of the team. Ummah Week is basically a week-packed events focusing on raising money for the needy. So, to raise money ain't nothing easy, people. You gotta work, work and work and that was what we did.

Ironically, I won't be writing about Ummah Week as in for this post. I will write about a grandma that I have met in Aldi. Me and my friends went to Aldi to buy stuff to cook for the Ummah Week. We barely bought nothing as we already have everything. So, not wanting to leave Aldi empty handed, we bought three coffees and a pack of plastic bags.

As we were in the queue, there was one grandma with a trolley and a lot of stuffs. She is really old, in my perspective and I want to help but oh my I really hate rejection. Then, I made up my mind that I wanted to help. So, I helped her to put her stuffs on the counter and she smiled saying thank you. She was trying to create a conversation and she was so nice.

She noticed that our stuffs were not as much as her and she let us to move in front of her in the queue. I thanked her and she said something that pretty much made my day.

"One kindness deserves another."

I asked her will she be alright to put her stuff back in the trolley and she nodded with a punch in the air to symbolise how strong she is.

I know Allah wanted me to learn something, and I know he wanted me to do this in the best of sincerity ever. Because kindness is hard, when you do it without any sincerities, it will be even harder. You tend to complaint and exhausting yourself out of nothing.

Have a nice day, yals!

Do good!

Assalamualaikum wbt and peace y’alls.

So, I have been thinking about this for 6 months now, err wait, for as long as I live kot. I bet everybody has had this thought before. The thought of, “I am not good enough, why bother doing good?”

Before I elaborate even further on this subject, let me tell you a story. It happened back in November I guess and I did wrote something about it but I did not post it because I think it was better off as a draft. November was soaking wet and it rained so heavily almost everyday resulting to wet ground – mud. I will always wear my Sketcher and it is light in colour, so any stain will effect how it looks. As time goes on, my Sketcher caught some mud on. I can barely tell that it was shoes as the condition was awful.

I left the shoes in the bathroom with the intention of getting it clean and clear again for two weeks. And I had to wear my not-so-comfortable shoes as an alternate. Then, I decided to do some deep cleaning as it bothered me so much for not having able to wear them anymore. When I thought that it was all shiny and all new as if it just came out from the store, it did not. I let them rest by the heat of my heater and guess what there was one tiny spot on the shoes that it bothered me down to the core. I kept on looking at the spot.

When I was in class, I was in deep thought with what the lecturer was writing. He was writing on the white board with a black inked marker. Why was I only focusing on the black ink rather than the huge white board? It was because the the spot\black ink was a small diffusion to something plain making it a bit rare and stand out.

So, what was my question again in the beginning? Yeah, that one. The don’t do good when you are not good enough. How the heck that these two things are related? Well, let me break this down to you. Well, as negative as the spot on my shoes may be, but it surely did taught me something positive.

Then We gave the Book as inheritance to such of Our servants whom We chose. Then of them are some who wrong themselves, and of them are some who follow a middle course, and of them are some who are, by Allah's leave, foremost in good deeds. That -- that is indeed a great grace.” [35:32]

In this beautiful ayat, Allah categorized us – the heir of the Quran into 3; them who wrong themselves, them who follow a middle course and them who do good deeds. I was confused when I was reading the translation of this ayat and it led me to read the Ibn Kathir’s tafseer of the ayat. Ibn Kathir had mentioned a scholar review and a hadith regarding this ayat.

1)    Ali bin Abi Talhah reported that Ibn `Abbas commented on the Ayah: (Then We gave the Book as inheritance to such of Our servants whom We chose.) "This refers to the Ummah of Muhammad. Allah caused it to inherit every Book that He had revealed; those who wrong themselves will be forgiven, those who follow a middle course will have an easy accounting, and those who are foremost in good deeds will enter Paradise without being brought to account.''

2)    Abu Al-Qasim At-Tabarani reported from Ibn `Abbas that the Messenger of Allah said one day: (My intercession will be for those among my Ummah who commit major sins.)'' Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said, "Those who are foremost in good deeds will enter Paradise without being brought to account; those who follow a middle course will enter Paradise by the mercy of Allah; and those who wrong themselves and Ashab Al-A`raf will enter Paradise by the intercession of Muhammad .''

These hadith imply that no good deeds are wasteful. Everything will be put into our account of deeds. In this surah – Fathir; Allah also mentioned how “Verily, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Ready to appreciate.” Which Ibn Abbas and others had described it as "He forgives them for their major sins, and appreciates even the smallest of their good deeds.'' I am in love already but na-ah this is not a dalil for us(who are already Alhamdulillah nice enough – pray, read Quran etc) to do something bad in purpose but He is ready to forgive, okay? Don’t delay your repent.

I had read a book by Asghar Ali Chowdhry, which I purchased from Amsons. It is the “Solutions to Youth Problems” and he had stated something really interesting regarding friends. He said that every human has two friends; the good one is conscience and the bad one is self. If we are to follow our conscience, we are going to live happily ever after and vice versa. To put this into the context of this post is, your conscience has always tell you to do good but your own self will always withstand you from doing good by whispering that you are not good enough.

But hey, as Allah is Oft-Forgiving – He understands our struggle and yes our good deeds will never be perfect enough but He forgives every deficient in your deeds. No matter how awkward you feel by doing good because you are not good enough (implying to the story of the spot on the shoes), eventually, you are going to learn to live by that. Well, I did not see the black spot anymore. You deserve to do good. It could qualify you to at least the syafaat of Muhammad. Never underestimate the value of doing good and how merciful Allah is.

May you have a great day. Let us spread good all over the world  :)