World Changer

Assalamualaikum wbt and peace y’all.

Today I decided to write, just because I wanted to. Just kidding, I did not want to write this up at first but I think this deserve a post.

So alhamdulillah, we had held a program last weekend and I was proud to be a part of the team. This was not solely because it was the first ever program featuring the budding West Midlanders, but also it was my second time to learn the subjects, which I must say enhanced my grasp a tad more.

I was not going to deliberate further on the subjects lewls. But basically it was what that rehabilated my whole life (I guess). On the fundamental basis, it was concerning on what is happening in the world right now, eg poverty, war, politic etc and what role should we be playing to encounter, or to simply elucidate the problem. And it takes hard slog, lemme tell ya that. Slowly but inshaAllah surely.

As a first timer in 2014, I would say I took it pretty hard. I mean I was all about being a teenager – passionate and fervent. I was literally the girl on fire. I whatsapped my close friends and preaching them on the matters. The fun bit of it was, they did not even reply. Well, maybe they thought that as a forwarded message that people somewhat read it, or just scrolled through. Or maybe they were alarmed by the fact that they meant something in this world. Well, there were a lot of likelihoods that were put into my perspective.

To learn the fact that you meant something in this world is so demanding, nobody is insignificant by the way. Demanding in the sense of your time, energy and even money. You can’t be a world changer by doing absolutely nothing. It is not enough just to not contribute to the crime world. It is not enough just to be a stagnant human being. It is more than that. We are youth (well me, I don’t know about you guys) that are in our formative years, the golden age – because to agree or not, energy is the most vital fraction of a world changer and that is what youths own. Most superheroes are rich (Batman and Ironman?) but all of them are youth (I stand to be corrected, I did not watch superheroes) implying that they have more energy, stronger and bolder.

The great thing about this context is, youth is not exclusively defined by age (13-40) but also by the passion. Here is one of the proofs; it is the story of Abu Ayyub al-Ansari. As you probably had guessed, he is an Ansar (Madina) man back in the time of Rasulullah s.a.w. He had never missed a single war in the time of  the Prophethood and the Caliphates. He made it to the Umayyad Caliphate and he was 90ish at the moment. And came the day for the Constantinople (modern day Istanbul) conquer quest which was lead by Yazid bin Muawiyyah (the son of Muawiyyah Abu Sufyan) and Abu Ayyub with his willpower and a passionate youth by heart decided to join in the conquer. There is one hadith that Rasulullah mentioned greatly about conquering Constantinople; “Constantinople will be conquered, the King is the best of kings and the army is the best of armies.” And Abu Ayyub was motivated by the hadith, he wanted to be the best army. And if you were wondering what is so great abouth Constantinople, then you should listen to what Napoleon Bonaparte had to say, If the Earth were a single state, Istanbul would be its capital”. So back to the story of Abu Ayyub, he was in a weak state and he could not even lift a sword. The leader of this campaign asked him for any specific request as he was dying and he requested to be buried by the gate of Constantinople so that he could hear the galloping of horses of the best of kings and the best of armies. And as recorded in the history, the best of kings is Sultan Muhammad al-Fateh, which was only 20ish by the time he conquered Istanbul during the Ottoman Empire. And guess what, he was also a youth.

But hey, let us get everything straight now. I am not saying that you should find any jihadi expedition just to be a world changer. Jihad is not merely war. Jihad is so broad that even helping your mom and dad is jihad. Jihad is to struggle, and to do something for Allah. If taking pictures is how you are going to change the world, and then do it. You are in this world for something big, and with something big. You can do jihad with your talent that Allah has blessed you with. We are the best of ummah, init? May Allah help us all :)

p/s: Do watch the video :)


I guess New Year is about beating procrastination, init? Well, I am having the same problem, which has led me to googling every single detail to stay productive. With me, freaking out over my final draft submission, hence I have to avoid procrastinating at its best. I had only been in Birmingham for two weeks now, and believe me when I was in Malaysia, I did wrote few routines to follow just to be productive and guess what, when I eventually in Birmingham, the “nantilah” thingy gets in my way. So, I wasted 3 days, sorta. I have to be more solemn in dealing with this issue. On top of that, this is my final semester, so I have to make the best out of it. This is basically, gonna make or break the capstone of my studies.

Without prating too much on this topic, I am going to discuss about my mistakes on dealing with the almost inexorable thing in our “blithe” life, procrastinating.

1)    I am piling myself up with just too many things. Sometimes, I need to keep striking a chord to myself that I have two little-tiny-calcium deficient shoulders. I am so weak that I can’t change my habit in a flash. Not saying that I can hang loose and let things follow their flow, I just need to work within my capabilities. And I also need rest, yay! I need to allow myself to check on my social medias once in a while. I need to take a chill pill.

2)    I want everything fast. I mean fast result, which I don’t think I “design” myself to work on things in a long period of time. So when I think I was working on my research for a little while, (but actually I wasn’t progressing much), I will stop and do another stuff, for instance cleaning the kitchen area, writing, looking at old pictures etc. I would categorized them as my sweet escape, guilty pleasures.

3)    The “wait a minute, I will start later” disease. This is so chronic. I don’t know how to stop this. I just don’t. I was once read something on Facebook that goes along this line, “inhabit yourself with something, when you think you have nothing to do, then you are a criminal to time,” That’s the gist of it. I can’t remember the real line is but anyway in my case I think I have to do everything, but that everything can wait. And when I realized that I had already wasted like couple of hours into procrastinating, I would automatically screw everything up and ended up doing nothing. And I regret this every single time.

Well, yeah actually these three things are on the same line but it brought different perspectives, at least for me. So as I was googling on how to be productive, I found this website ,  and it discussed on so many things worth reading. I just love how it tells us to work on our schedule according to our salah. And I did a list of what I want to achieve before fajr, dhuha, dhuhr, asr, maghrib and isyak. So, it kinda reconstructs my schedule into bite-size portion that is easier to do. Also, I purchased an ebook, “Amalan 24 Jam dalam Kehidupan Rasulullah.” It is also worth reading, because yes he is the best of man, right? So, we have to try our best in following his footsteps, also to be the best. InshaAllah :)

So, it is kinda irony, yet so fascinating when my research studies is on how scheduling system works mathematically. Make a lot of dua, please :)


Dah banyak kali aku beli tempered glass kat phone ni. Dah banyak kali jugak la pecah. Taktau lah kenapa, aku ganas sangat ke? Jenis tak reti jaga barang kot. 

Kadang aku pikir jugak, tanak lah pakai tempered glass. Kalau nak pecah, pecah jugak laa. Aku istighfar. Aku teringat la, "put your trust in Allah, but tie your camel". Kena ikhtiar tu yang penting. 

Tapi dulu aku naik basikal takde pun nak pakai jenis safety gears segala tu. Jatuh memang jatuh, sampai terpeleot tangan tu paling teruk pun nangis la. Pehtu pegi spital. Kadang drive pun pakai seatbelt time road block je. 

Why do we dare to take challenges regarding our bodies? Aku penah menemuramah seorang penghisap rokok tegar, katanya alah mati kat mana-mana pun boleh mati, bukan sebab rokok je. Aku setuju sangat part tu, sebab tu kot kita dare to challenge our body to the extreme.

Ataupun sebenarnya kita tak terpikir pasal mati pun? Erkk nauzubillah. 

P/s: Jalan penyelesaian terakhir, aku namakan phone aku Tuah. Biar bertuah, dan stress threshold dia tinggi dan macam Hang Tuah. 

Kata logastellus

Aku logastellus.
Remediku kamus.
Susun dalam kabus.
Tikam kasi halus.

Jiwa baru harapnya

Alhamdulillah, we made it to 2016! And today I would like to share my string new year's resolution list. I think this is the first time that I have made a proper list. It seems that my mind is on autopilot when it comes to 1st January, that I need to have at least one resolution. The sad thing about that is, I will only be so into the resolution on the first few weeks on January. Then, I magically forget until the next 1st January. Well, in my defence, it takes about 30 days for us to develop new habit and gosh 30 days is too long. Well, explain how I am gonna survive the whole year? Anyway, I think I should have mickle of things to list as my resolution but here is 10 of them.

1) I am done living under my/anybody's expectations.

I believe 2015 was me trying to prove myself and everybody that I got what it takes to do everything. On the bright side, I did get what I wanted. However, on the downside, I ended up being so depressed most of the times. It hurts me so much that now I am so tired to do anything. When it comes to people's expectations, I am always afraid to screw things up that I did not meet their expectations. I know sometimes they are not expecting much but I know I can't mess things up. I know I can be happier if I only take a good care of my own self and to not think of what people are expecting from me. 

2) Evaluate my challenges

I am pretty much up to any challenges. The moment when someone asks me, "Bell, can you do this?" I will automatically say yes, saying that I can try. I think thats me expecting from myself. Sometimes I did regret my yes. The wanting to put myself to the extreme blocks me from evaluating the pros and cons of what am I actually gonna do. And I need to keep reminding myself that it is okay to not make quick decisions and to think thoroughly. I know my capacities and it is okay to not be ready.

3) More positive thoughts

Positive mind leads to positive life, right? I am so terrible at looking the glass half full. It is a must for me to complain and stuff, and for me it is not normal to sit back and take a deep breath when something bad happen. But, I have learnt that negative thought tires me so much. Reality check, it doesn't really change anything. On the other hand, positive thought helps me to redefine my problems into something less stressful. 

4) Happy meals (err redefine diet)

I have been on a on-off diet for about 3 years now. It was off most of the times. The temptation to eat is everywhere and I am not strong enough to resist its force. Anyhow, when I realised that I was eating so much, I will start to eat while complaining about how fat I am. So, from now on I am redefining my diet that I am gonna start to eat more healthy foods, and I am not gonna starve myself la for sure. That would make me happy.

5) Less procrastination 

This is a world wide problem, init? I haven't found any solutions for this problem. Well, I think one of the ways to cope with this is to have a tight schedule but it is not necessarily works. Or maybe I should make procrastination as one of my everyday agendas. When we programmed ourself to procrastinate, in another way of saying this is we realise that we are procrastinating, we will eventually get tired of it. I can try that one out. Schedule doesn't has to be so strict.

6) Be more responsible

Being responsible is a broad subject. It is so subjective that you don't really know what responsible really means. But for me, it is to focus more on things that I should be doing right now and be more organised, and also to think of other people other than myself. In some sense, I am telling myself to be responsible towards my studies and time, and my human buddies.

7) Be an inspiration; at least to myself

I think that I am suck at everything that I don't get anything right. I need to always pat myself in the back for everything I have done, even it is bad. To be saddened over something will only make it worse. And I will keep on writing to inspire myself.

8) More readings

Well, yeah I need to polish my reading skill. I need to know more than what I already knew which is so little. I am gonna turn 22 kot.

9) Listen to people

I wish that I will argue less with people and start to accept opinions. Even when I think I am right, I am not going to argue. I will listen more to people. The real wisdom doesn't lie in who you listens to, but what you listen to. 

10) More self reflection

Ah-ha this one is my favourite. I think I had fun in reflecting myself. I am using my heart and brain so much more when I am reflecting upon myself. It gives out so many happy thoughts when I finally figure out why something happen.

I am hoping that Allah make it easy for me and you. To better muslim, shall we?
And happy new year!


Rindu itu tak mungkin dibendung rasa,
Berbaur cinta yang tak pernah berubah,
Diselimuti hati yang ingkar lupa,
Pada apa yang dimaknai indah.

Dah sampai

Syukur pemula kalam,
Selepas lebih 24jam,
Akhirnya sudah di Birmingham,
Sejuk amat mendalam,
Menyelak tulang hitam,
Air mata berendam,
Ahh realiti umpama sekam,
Sedar masa nak khatam,
Banyak kena hadam,
Mudahan tidak pitam,
Takut sampai terancam,
Tapi apa salah jika mata pejam,
Bukankah itu cari ilham,
Yang penting agama jadi imam,
Supaya hati tidak kejam,
Aku doa aku masih khadam,
Pada Tuhan semesta alam.

Pergi lagi haih

Tomorrow may come,
But I may not,
Safe journey no harm,
Your prayers I need a lot.

See you soon, Malaysia.
You have been very challenging, always.
Maybe next time we meet, I will hold a scroll in my hand and please be nice to me.
Ameen :)

Oh yes Malaysia, please save me some dominos. 

Tembok runtuh

Bukan alang-alang,
Bukan mainan.

Di balik tembok iris,
Dia penuhkannya umpama Tigris,
Hatinya tak berdaya tapis,
Kalaulah dia masih mampu egois.

Tangan kasar itu dia sambut,
Genggam erat tak mahu beralah,
Susuk indah itu dia peluk,
Dengan dibisik, kuatlah.

Tumpah juga,
Dalam tunduk sayu,
Dia dah hiba,
Dia masih mahu dipangku.

Besar-besar pada jiwa,
Dia melangkah besar tunggu berlepas,
Ah sakit rupanya,
Mata dia makin kebas.

Keliling tidak dia peduli,
Mana orang tahu isi hati,
Dia sedang dikuatkan, bukan?
Dan mereka sedang dijagakan, bukan?

060116 1220

Apa ini, Tuhan?

Mentari harini menyelak jendela, 
cuba menerpa aku yang sedang berduka. 
Hai atas apa hajat kau bersilau megah? 
Bengkak mata aku belum surut, ni kau makin gagah.
Mana hujan yang patut tiba,
Bukankah sekarang waktunya,
Biadabnya aku pada Kau,
Konsep kun fayakun Kau aku kacau.

Sedang percintaan aku dengan sinaran makin rancak,
Dia malah kian melambai di balik horizon sejarak,
Kaki bukit kian malap,
Semacam akan tiba gelap.
Datanglah pula sang rembulan,
Membawa cahaya tak senian,
Aku terasa sayu,
Dalam dakapan telekung aku membisu,
Atas hamparan sejadah aku bersimpuh,
Menjana hati bagi ampuh,
Sedang kitab itu aku buka,
Aku tidak bersuara.

Aku berdehem mencari nafas,
Bagi kosong ruang toraks,
Kalau ikutkan aku takmau bersuara,
Bukankah Kau maha tahu segala,
Hai korup betul hambaMu ini,
Dengarlah Tuhan aku puisi,
Bait kata ini bukan aku miliki,
Kau susun bagi aku tutur sekali,
Sebab Kau memang dah tahu isi hati,
Hai Kau memang Maha Menyayangi.

Kau kirimkan aku mentari,
Bukan untuk aku cintai,
Kau juga kirimkan bulan,
Bukan untuk aku rindukan,
Tapi untuk kembali,
mencintaiMu, bukan?
Terer betul Kau Tuhan,
Aku surrender angkat tangan.