There was one group activity that took my pride down. The facis were asking us to draw a heart on a A4 paper and to write our parents’ wishes for us in that heart. Truth is, I have never known what my parents wished for me. I know that they wanted me to do them proud, but I did not know what exactly what. So, I wrote all the typical wishes. When we were all done, the facis asked us to tear own paper down. I bluntly followed their instructions (I did not tear them in an aggressive manner as I remember -- I felt something wrong somewhere) and there were some who cried and eagerly wouldn’t follow the facis’ instruction. I was like “apahal ni, lek la.”(dalam hati--translated to bakpo ni, relax la). The facis asked me why did I tear that down, (you told me to, tanya lagi.), I told them that when you had done something on your wishlist, it is a norm to cross that out hahaha kena intelectual sikit jawapan walaupun entah pape. But thinking back. its maybe the things that I had wrote were not really my parents’ dream and hope. It was what I was hoping from me to my parents. And maybe I was not that confident after all to grant all the wishes. Maybe I was a rebellious kid at that time, thinking my parents never loved me.
I cried one night, so much that I could not even hold my head up. I was staring down, as the ground was more likely to hear me cry. Well, that typical motivation night where you supposed to cry, to remember how much had your mom and dad done for you to be in this world yadayada. But it hit me hard. I will never fail to cry (I bet everybody is) when it comes to my parents. The kakak faci was asking how I felt and I couldn’t even talk. I couldn’t even look at her in the eyes.
I went back to my dorm, and continued crying. I remembered the next day my eyes were swollen and I could not lift my head. I was ni like ni kem kecemerlangan ke kem mak ayah ni? Agak bengang disitu but as the time flies and I have grown calmer, lol I really love my parents, rupanya.
Looking back, they actually love me too. So in this Kem Kecermelangan thingy, you should not have your phone with you. I wrote my mom a text message saying my phone got confiscated with the committees' numbers as well. So the next day, when we were having our lunch, one of the committee was searching for me saying that my mom had called. I was so nervous to call her back and praying so hard that everything was fine back at home. Then, the hello part began, I was so awkward to talk to her and she said that nothing she was just checking up on me. Lol what a big relieved that was. The thought of the worst thing might happen got into my mind. And the committee was a bit worried as well, what was the exact reason my mom called, (I was so shy to talk because my Kelate dialect is so thick that it blend in my KL slang hahaha but now i can disguise myself as a KL-an)
"Takde apa. Saja nak tanya khabar."
"Tak penah duk jauh ke?"
"Tak penah kot."
Actually I had been away from her, more than a week for my PKBM camping. I supposed that I was labelled as anak mak back then. But yeah, bak kata Dr M, melayu mudah lupa.
So, as taken aback I was before for tearing the heart down (the thought of anak derhaka ke aku, alamak mungkin lepasni kena sumpah jadi batu), I believe that everybody deserves better chances. It is a bless actually to be far from your family (in my case -- not saying being close is a mistake) then you know that communication is the best way to stay connected; and you'd value your family even more.
p/s: bukan iklan magic sim.